It just rained very hard. I feel so empty. I don't know what to do with this feeling I've. Why is everything so complicated?, or it isn't actually, there is just one big ocean in between us. And I need to learn to deal with that or not. Decide. But I can't because I know that I want him near me, but not that far away from me that I can not walk to him or drive to him to just touch him, feel him that he is real.
I don't know if the rain stopped. It still sounds like it, but it also could just be the wind. If I hear him on the telephone I get weak. But the normal feelings for 'love' don't appear always if I read his words in an email or on msn. I am glad if I can talk to him, if I see him for a moment online and speak with him. Yes, I am glad to share thoughts with him, anykind of thoughts. But it also looks too forced, our speaking with one another. It looks to 'must do'. And I want it to be more spontaneous. More free.
I was thinking to tell him that I don't want to hear from him everyday how much he loves me, even though we always did that every hour or minute with the words: 'I love you'. But I can not tell him this because I would feel horrible with the first email I will get that doesn't say that he loves me. But on the other hand it might as well be the key for me to keep me awake, alert, in our relationship. And still, if I tell him this and he follows my question than that wouldn't be the same also.
Just come! I know how sweet you can be if you sleep next to me...
