Stressed
Tomorrow my new roommate should have come, but she is coming a day earlier. Now I skipped one class to clean my room and make a part available for her. A few days earlier my neighbours put fluff on my door lot and since then I wasn’t able anymore to lock my room. So today I went to public safety and now I am waiting (too long) for the man who is coming to take a look at my door.


It’s such nice weather outside, and I really would enjoy it to just sit outside and let my skin feel the warmth. But instead of that I am waiting here and the dinning hall is closing in one hour. I would have taken a nice big sandwich with cheese, tomato, cucumber, mayonnaise and eggs and after that a little bit of ice cream. I still might be able to do so, with a little bit of luck.

Memory
His head bowed so sweet that I was shocked by my own fury where I spit my previous words out with. “I thought you would like to go out to dinner tonight,” he said with a soft voice. I said that I was sorry, that I totally didn’t mean it like that and that I would love to go out to dinner with him.


He opened the door before I even called him to do so. He said he was going to walk to me, he said to me, if I didn’t showed up first. He picked a small yellow package out of his pocket. M&M’s. “Because I know you like it.” Was his simple explanation.


His hands rubbed over the cold blankets where under my feet were freezing. He asked me if they felt better and I said a little bit. He kept rubbing the blankets and I told him that he could stop, otherwise, I had the feeling, he would have stayed rubbing them forever. “You really love me, do you?” I asked him. He nodded.

Bubble ring.
Paint.
Voice recorder.
LARGE back M&M’s.

Learning
Can somebody teach her how to love? She is afraid that she is doing things where she isn’t raised for. She hurts people without wanting to, including herself and she really can’t tell what her motives are for doing so. Is her inability something form her future, present or past?


She hates it when people tell her what love is or what not. Like they would know who she loved the most. They say that love is something that exists after at least a few months or years. Does time has anything to do with this? Or does time simply not exist? What is love than between now and then? Who are they to tell how long my love last between ten and three o’clock at night?

Depression
It’s not the rain, it’s us with our black umbrellas. We should only use black umbrellas on a funeral.

Greed
Searching for things I need if I am back in the Netherlands I came across something I felt in love with. But it might as well that I never can get it and my excitement would be for nothing other than to turn into disappointment. Pray for me. I so badly want it that it feels like a sin.

Plural letter
It may look like the same, sound like the same and even be the same story. But a news-story is also repeated more then once in many different forms. Why she even bothers about it is her a mystery. But she likes you to know that if she tells you exactly the same story as she did to someone else in a letter then it would be far more likely that she just send it multiple –to safe her the harm of typing more then once- to L.S.

Wet feet
The first thing that you want to dry but the thing that you can dry the last. You can not stand it if you missed a spot that is not yet dry. The wet spots on your body feel cold there where it should be warm because you just put on your bathrobe. So you balance on your toes while you dry yourself totally with your towel and as last, finally, you bend yourself to reach your toes and clean all ten toes each one at the time. Then you shift your feet into you slippers and sigh relieved that everything is clean and dry now.

Happy summer
When he gives me a thousand little kisses on my hand and the sun is curling up before our feet.

Tribute to the May-evening


Ambivalent first quarter moon grounds in the night
While horses gallop through the atmosphere regardless of chronology
Forms mist from the froth of their mouths and stamping in the sky
Wrinkles in the blanket of the lake, covers its deepness in black.


Flower leaves bow as the wind chuck the epidermis,
Crowns touching as a fast lick of tongues, a perpetual mobile.
Sweet revenge of the bees, buckles the blossoms as snakes,
Pendulate the bodies in a Roman spring together.


The leaves whisper and crackle when the soft footsteps of the deer
Opens the bushes to let her through with alerted eyes.
Her skin shivers once in the tropical temperature that’s behold
She licks from the lake as the fire flies over the surface.

Situation 2 Drugs legal


Reason: Drugs use is own responsibility of consumption. Spiritual, religious reason. Medical.
The country should be able to get the drugs without importing it from countries where (export of) drugs is illegal. The country should also be able to keep the drugs inside its borders, once the drugs leaves the borders to a country where drugs is illegal thy should prosecute the exporter.


Citizens should be well informed about the drugs at any time. Drugs shops should be (partly) controlled by the government and the government can get at any time information about the consumption of the drugs by its users.


Consumers should be able to get help at any time. Help centres should be well available around the country as well as treating centres. Consumers can be sure that the drugs that they bought are pure. Test on drugs for purity can be provided at any time, anonymously.

Situation 1 Drugs illegal


Reason: Drugs use is damaging for the brain.
Curbing the demand of illegal drugs should be achieved through high control of the import of the country. Tourists, travellers and passer-by’s should be carefully watched. More drug dogs should be set in at the borders of the country. Suspicion can be used to investigate cars, trucks and luggage.


Citizens should be well informed about the causes of using illegal drugs and the consequences that drugs consumption will have if been caught. Anti-drugs campaigns, posters, commercial spots, programs and television shows all can help to inform people and help them to stay away from illegal drugs. Telling why it is illegal, how this law was formed, and when.


Distributors and consumers should in all case be trailed if an individual has possession of an illegal drug. Thy should look what the amount of drugs the prosecuted had, what the purpose of possession was and what kind of drugs.

The truth
I always lie, even now.

Freedom
Did you saw the movie American history X? Sometimes I begin to believe we, in the Netherlands, are coming close to make similar movies like that. I am getting depressed if I look at forums on the internet from the Netherlands. There is so much hate. And people are talking about 'sending them back'. Who are them? Where is back?

As far as I know, 'them' are the people with a Dutch nationality and ?them? are living here for three generations or more. 'Them' are just not the people who are making all our problems. It?s a small handful of people who cause the problem. And let we not forget ourselves who feed the intolerance with our hate against one another.

The only way 'back' is to our own country. They have lived here for many years and maybe they didn't adjust to our culture that very well but isn't that also a part of our own fault? Shouldn't we have made them get use to our culture? The only reason why we always give the others the fault is because there is only one other to look at.
Words from somebody else.

Wind at night
When all is dark
Alleys make strange bows
Stones in my back and
Horses gallops through
The city while I feel their
Breath passing by me

Existing here
Every day it is drifting away and I feel my fear coming closer to me. What can I do? There are dreams of me being home and I feel so terrified after that, so out of place. The streets look so dark and there are no daytimes in it. Like as if there are only mornings and evenings. What should one think of that? I’ve never felt so far away from home as in those days that I was home,… I missed this brutal place of dessert land. Though, how hard I missed it at home, my home here never came back in the same form. And maybe that was just it that made me so homesick in the vacation; knowing that it never would be the same again when I came back.

The people changed, some moved back, they went on with their lives in their own places. Some still make desperate calls and writings to this little village in Massachusetts. Friends are their motives. And I myself can’t think of any other reason that would be the major. But this desolated place works on ones melancholy thoughts and it helps to form memories already before something becomes a memory. What is happening here on separated moments can never be accomplished somewhere else, in time or place. It’s like a dream, everything is happening on a certain moment but you can never recall when.

The people here seem so desolate for me. And in the beginning I thought that it was sorrow that should be the name given to these who life here for whole their lives. But I guess one can be wrong in many ways. What do I really know about these people here? And what do I know about life in general to think I can speak like this! My life may seem the same to others as I look at theirs. The glasses we drink are empty as we didn’t learn to refill them. I can’t remember anymore when they were full, when the whine was burning in my throat. What is the reason of being great if there is no greater greatness of ending? We think, we are.

The tracks we make here will stay all our lives, and in some ways also that terrifies me. What I am doing here, I will do the rest of my life in my memory: How do I want to remember me? Where does motivation exist of if we have found no right of existence? Places are marked by faded memories of ancient people. Things only get more confused if we realize that we are not the main characters in our own movies, but they are: those dead people, the people where you slept with, fought with, argued with, danced with, and where you have been looking at all the time but never saw in the mirrors of your existence.

I am scared to leave no marks, none at all. But the balance on earth would make no sense then if I am not here, except, there is no balance. Where and when should I mark something? Why do we desire to exist? Psychology thinks in peoples mind. It thinks that it can balance us into areas of our own minds. How can we make other peoples maps? Psychology is proving our existence by proving the madness in humankind –that which is only nature or doomed to be broken- and that of our incapability. I would study it all and proven it wrong… if I could. But who decides what is wrong and right if there is no prove of any existence? No marks? This nor that?